Very Emo Introspection
My friend mentioned to me that since she's been traveling, she's suddenly stopped caring so much about what other people think about her. And I've found that's true for me too. I think it's because when we travel we discover not so much who we are but that there is a bigger picture outside of our microscopic viewpoint, and when we get a glimpse of that we get a better glimpse of ourselves.
This gives rise to a lot of disconcerting feelings: like having trouble understanding English-language movies, or feeling insecure when I'm only speaking English. Or waking up in the middle of the night speaking Italian to myself.
Not only is my view of the world bigger, my view of my Self is more faceted. The way I express myself in another language becomes a part of the way I will express myself for the rest of my life, and the way I understand my Self in Italian will be incorporated into my concept of who I really am.
My biggest fear is losing what I've gained when I return to America. My second biggest fear is who I will find myself to be -- because traveling has taught me, in one sense, how American I am, and in another sense I've discovered how un-American I am.
Sometimes I feel proud of America. Sometimes I feel ashamed of her shortcomings. But sometimes I feel proud of Italy, too. And sometimes I feel ashamed for her failures. So I guess I really did find a cultural identity, more than the one I found in Egypt.
Now for pictures. I went to Naples. And Pompeii. But my camera died as soon as I turned it on there. So you only get pictures of Naples. But since blogger is not my friend today, you actually don't get any. So I guess the beginning of this paragraph is a lie.
Biggest disappointment of this trip: Mount Vesuvius hasn't blown up yet.
This gives rise to a lot of disconcerting feelings: like having trouble understanding English-language movies, or feeling insecure when I'm only speaking English. Or waking up in the middle of the night speaking Italian to myself.
Not only is my view of the world bigger, my view of my Self is more faceted. The way I express myself in another language becomes a part of the way I will express myself for the rest of my life, and the way I understand my Self in Italian will be incorporated into my concept of who I really am.
My biggest fear is losing what I've gained when I return to America. My second biggest fear is who I will find myself to be -- because traveling has taught me, in one sense, how American I am, and in another sense I've discovered how un-American I am.
Sometimes I feel proud of America. Sometimes I feel ashamed of her shortcomings. But sometimes I feel proud of Italy, too. And sometimes I feel ashamed for her failures. So I guess I really did find a cultural identity, more than the one I found in Egypt.
Now for pictures. I went to Naples. And Pompeii. But my camera died as soon as I turned it on there. So you only get pictures of Naples. But since blogger is not my friend today, you actually don't get any. So I guess the beginning of this paragraph is a lie.
Biggest disappointment of this trip: Mount Vesuvius hasn't blown up yet.
posted by L at
8:59 AM
3 Comments:
that wasn't really emo...
interesting though :) I will interrogate you when you have returned to see if you've lost everything or not. :)
Did you know there are emo kids in Japan?
You articulated a lot of the things I've been feeling. I've been worrying about losing my Japanese-ness upon returning to the States. It sounds a little ridiculous for me to claim to have adapted parts of the Japanese identity into my own, but in a way, I feel it makes me a little more complete and doesn't detract from my previously understood identity.
We'll sneak you into Hinman and talk it over.
Sneaking into Hinman. That's a good idea. And yeah did you know there's a German emo band here called Tokio Hotel? And they sing in English.
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